Acceptance is a noun?
I have recently been struggling with accepting certain things in my life. To be honest, in my mind everything I wish for should just happen because well, I'm me... In my rainbows and unicorns universe, a positive loving outcome is the only one that is acceptable. No matter how dark or dreary things get, I am seeing my rainbow and watching my unicorn dance! Now at this point, I am positive you believe I am insane and well, I just might be according to your standards. (Full disclosure, I truly understand the world is not full of rainbows and unicorns. It is just a lot easier to deal with those of us in this universe that opt out of being considerate, kind and treating everyone with love. I believe we all have our coping mechanisms for the in-explainable circumstances other place us in, this is just mine).
With all of the aforementioned details about my struggle with acceptance in mind, I had chosen to believe accepting situations, people and places for what they were was a necessity in order to thrive in life. I wasn't brought up to complain about anything. If there was a person, problem or place I didn't like, the rule was to make the best of it and remember there is a blessing in every situation. This approach has built a resilience in me that allows me to mentally interpret what is happening around me does not have to to directly effect my mood. It is a great method to ensure a decreased level of stress in usually stressful situations. However, taking this approach without any amount of wisdom will leave you taken advantage of at times. There have been several occassions where my "I can handle anything" approach has caused me to be in situations where I am approaching the threshold of my personal breaking point which other have seen as above the norm which in turn causes them to perceive as well as address my resilience as a "gift" for them. The drawback from this was having to choose to disconnect from people because my immaturity did not allow me to comprehend saying 'No' as a positive thing. In other scenarios, I have lived in places where I made a room I rented feel like a castle or lived below my means with the belief that it was the right thing to do to show humility and appreciation. This caused me to depreciate my worth unconsciously. I thought that I was okay living impoverished because I was able to still maintain my happy demeanor. Never pushing myself beyond the realm of understanding that giving all I had away to people who knowingly pushed me beyond my limit and living below what I was worth deeply effected my psyche and my connection with those in my life that truly cared about my well being.
I did this because I believed acceptance was a verb. An action I had to do to show that I was able to do what others couldn't. I thought I was being admirable. I was actually being selfish. Basic algebra explains that a+b=c. It only requires you having two of the three parts to find an answer. In my case, b = belief and c = care. In my case, in order to know what was equal to acceptance "a" in my life, I based it on what I believed caring about someone looked like. I had to act off of believing caring about someone meant making sacrifices others wouldn't or protecting myself from being rejected or hurt so I could be available for people who needed me. I had no idea I was robbing myself of being the answer to someone else equation. In essence, I believed no one cared enough about me to offer what I was offering, Why? Because I had already depreciated my self worth unconsciously. It had become a vicious cycle until I allowed wisdom to sink in. Acceptance was not something I needed to do, it was something I needed to have. My mindset shifted from believe I had to do extraordinary things to show people I cared to seeing who would choose to care about me by acting in ways I believed showed me they cared. In essence, my a+b=c equation stayed the same by the definition of shifted to belief + action = choice.
With all of the aforementioned details about my struggle with acceptance in mind, I had chosen to believe accepting situations, people and places for what they were was a necessity in order to thrive in life. I wasn't brought up to complain about anything. If there was a person, problem or place I didn't like, the rule was to make the best of it and remember there is a blessing in every situation. This approach has built a resilience in me that allows me to mentally interpret what is happening around me does not have to to directly effect my mood. It is a great method to ensure a decreased level of stress in usually stressful situations. However, taking this approach without any amount of wisdom will leave you taken advantage of at times. There have been several occassions where my "I can handle anything" approach has caused me to be in situations where I am approaching the threshold of my personal breaking point which other have seen as above the norm which in turn causes them to perceive as well as address my resilience as a "gift" for them. The drawback from this was having to choose to disconnect from people because my immaturity did not allow me to comprehend saying 'No' as a positive thing. In other scenarios, I have lived in places where I made a room I rented feel like a castle or lived below my means with the belief that it was the right thing to do to show humility and appreciation. This caused me to depreciate my worth unconsciously. I thought that I was okay living impoverished because I was able to still maintain my happy demeanor. Never pushing myself beyond the realm of understanding that giving all I had away to people who knowingly pushed me beyond my limit and living below what I was worth deeply effected my psyche and my connection with those in my life that truly cared about my well being.
I did this because I believed acceptance was a verb. An action I had to do to show that I was able to do what others couldn't. I thought I was being admirable. I was actually being selfish. Basic algebra explains that a+b=c. It only requires you having two of the three parts to find an answer. In my case, b = belief and c = care. In my case, in order to know what was equal to acceptance "a" in my life, I based it on what I believed caring about someone looked like. I had to act off of believing caring about someone meant making sacrifices others wouldn't or protecting myself from being rejected or hurt so I could be available for people who needed me. I had no idea I was robbing myself of being the answer to someone else equation. In essence, I believed no one cared enough about me to offer what I was offering, Why? Because I had already depreciated my self worth unconsciously. It had become a vicious cycle until I allowed wisdom to sink in. Acceptance was not something I needed to do, it was something I needed to have. My mindset shifted from believe I had to do extraordinary things to show people I cared to seeing who would choose to care about me by acting in ways I believed showed me they cared. In essence, my a+b=c equation stayed the same by the definition of shifted to belief + action = choice.
Comments
Post a Comment